Depression?

Many, many, many years ago before I even had Maddy, I was diagnosed with clinical/medical depression. I spent some time in a hospital and even more time in several different therapists offices. I was medicated and tested often.

When I had Maddy, I found out that after years of dealing with this "sadness" I actually had Hashimoto's Disease (underactive thyroid) and it was the cause of everything from weight gain and hair loss to depression. I was put on thyroid medication for another several years.

Then after I had Link, my thyroid tested normal and I was taken off of my thyroid medication. I have been tested 3 times since Link's birth as recent as a few weeks ago, and my thyroid is normal.

I say all of this because I have been suffering from these horrible "bouts of depression". They last for about 3-5 days. They come out of no where and knock me off my feet. Nothing cheers me up. Not Link, Not Maddy, Not hubby. I go to work with this fake smile plastered on my face, but the minute I get a chance to close any door, whether office or bathroom stall, I'm a weeping mess.

Then after sapping me dry I'm fine again until something small, even insignificant, throws me back down this tunnel of darkness. I've spent the past 3 days of my vacation either sobbing hysterically or balled up in the fetal position in bed. Link keeps asking me if "mommy's sad" which just makes me cry harder. Maddy is trying really hard to keep him entertained. But really no one knows what to make of me...neither do I.

I don't know if this is hormonal and connects to my period, I don't know if maybe I really was and am still clinically depressed, I don't know if being off BCPs and thyroid medicine has thrown my hormones into a downward spiral, I don't if it's just the stress of all the politics at work coupled with my motherly and wifely duties getting the best of me. I have no idea. But I can't keep doing this.

I'm going to a new therapist today and hopefully I will have some answers. Anyone else ever deal with this kind of thing?

Raging Hormones!!

I am completely up and down with my emotions. One minute I'm crying, the next I'm furious, then back to crying, sleepy, then extremely elated. Now remember I'm not complaining, just stating the facts, for I am blessed and grateful to be pregnant. Never get it twisted. I tell ya I walk into school in the morning sleepy, then I'm happy to chat with my co-workers before class, but the minute I walk into the classroom - EESH! It's like Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde. The kids are just so confused by me, I feel bad sometimes (other times they are rightfully working my nerves!) Plus, now moving into my 8th week things are drastically different. My little pot is much more noticeable (I got my first 2 belly rubs today in school. DH asked if this bothered me, so did 1 of the rubbers {ha ha rubbers}, and it doesn't bother me if it's people I actually know. Perfect strangers? They'll pull back a nub!)...anyhoo, I love the pot. I love the utter roundness of it, knowing my little peanut is growing safely inside. See, now I'm getting all misty in the eyes again. LOL. The other major change this week is that in the last 2 weeks I was all about eating every 2 hours (even out of my sleep), I couldn't get enough to eat. Now this week - YUCK! I'm not totally nauseaous or puking, but I don't have any desire to eat. And when I do it the icky doesn't go away, so I eat slower all the while my stomach is growling. I've had to force myself to eat for the past 3 days. It's weird to be starving, eat the food, and still feel queasy before, during and after eating. One of the preggers in the department also had the same experience during the same time frame, and I know of course women deal with this all the time. I pray this isn't the beginning of the ill-fated morning sickness. I definitely didn't have this with my DD, with my pregnancy with her I had the dry heaves and massive amounts of saliva but I never actually threw up, though most days I wished I would! Dry heaves hurt so bad, by the time your done your ribs, sides, and stomach ache for hours. They say that like snowflakes no pregnancy is like the other, so we'll see!