Reasons Why I Teach # 83: Hope My Words Saved A Life Today

Before the break, it was "Tolerance Week" in the schools. Our school put on a magnificent show with different student and staff performances. I recited one of my poems on how words can hurt. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback from students and staff members about how powerful my piece was. (Found out after the fact that during the show there was a fight on the opposite side of the stage - can you believe that?!)

Fast forward to today. You all know that I've been on my natural quest for the past 7 months now. Well, today I saw this young lady with a very cute short afro, but the two times I tried to call her over in the hallway to tell her that I liked it and that it was cute, she was bustling by too fast to class and I was teaching. Then right as I'm heating up my lunch one of the APs comes into my office and asks for my help and that it's an emergency. She tells me there's a young lady threatening to kill herself and that they have the ambulance on the way. But because of my words during "Tolerance Day" she was hoping that I would take a moment to talk to this young lady about how I feel about tolerance and bullying.

On the way up to the office she shows me the girl's suicide note that stated, "...just when I do something different they tease me about looking like a fat boy with earrings...I just want to die and join my mother in heaven".

When I walk into the office my heart breaks into a million little pieces as here is that same young lady that I wanted to compliment earlier today. I'm a firm believer that God works in mysterious ways. How is it that I had never before seen this girl, and then I see her twice and am being called to help her??

I told her about what I thought when I saw her, I shared my own hair story (and coincidently I had my hair in Bantu Knots today) and how students and staff looked at me the first time I did it. I told her how beautiful she was and that people are going to talk about you no matter what you do, but that you have to learn to no worry about what they're saying and continue to do what's right for you. I got her to open up to the fact that as a 15 year old freshman, she had not one friend in school yet, that she has been in and out of hospitals for depression, how badly she misses her biological mother that passed away only a few years ago and that she just wanted to go to heaven to be with her so she could feel loved again.

That was all I was able to do as the EMS came quickly to bring her to the hospital for evaluation and emergency counseling. I just can't help thinking "What If"?? What if I had been able to compliment her this morning? Did I let an opportunity to give a sad little girl some hope today slip through my fingers? Maybe she's just going to think I said those things because "I had to" and that I wasn't being genuine?

Kids can be so cruel. No one knows what any one person is dealing with in their life, and even with a school that constantly addresses it, the students still don't get how painful their words can be. I pray for these kids. I'm praying for this little girl. I'm praying for my own children.

Tolerance. Is it just a catch phrase?

Guidance Office Woes

When you work in the guidance department of any educational facility you know that there will be times where your patience is tested, your quick thinking is required, your time management is obliterated, and your heart is fit to bursting.

This being the first week back to school, I'm surprised that there aren't the usual caseloads of drama. There were a few sad stories in the bunch but nothing too serious until Tuesday. We're always looking for monitors to help us in our offices and were happy on Monday to get this cute little freshman girl to help us out during 8th period. She's about 4 feet tall with braces and looked as if she'd been severely burned as a child, but just too cute for words, nonetheless.

My counselor and I cover one half of the 10th graders (573 students and counting). On Tuesday she asked us to introduce her to her freshman counselor and we did.

I come in on Wednesday and my counselor says, "Wait til you hear what's going on with our little chocolate chip". (Nickname the counselor gave her because she's self-conscience about all of her moles). Well, I was not prepared for this:

Our little chocolate chip lives with her mother a few blocks from school, her parents were divorced and she spends her summers with her dad in California. Turns out the father suffered from severe depression and with no other relatives besides her dad, she went for her visit as usual this summer. Her father chose this time to go off of his medication and while she was at home with him, he got into his car in the garage, dosed himself in gasoline and lit himself on fire. This sweet little girl, all alone in another state, had to watch her father burn himself to death.

This is how I found out that she hadn't been burned but has that unusual birth marking (forgot what it's called). I was speechless. I could not even begin to imagine what this girl must be going through. Today she came in as her usual peppy self to help us out but first sat down and whispered, "I just wanted to let you guys know that my dad is dead, but I don't want to talk about it just yet." We explained that we understood and would be there for her when she was ready to talk, both of us trying not to get emotional.

I suffered from clinical depression for years before finding out it was my thyroid that was causing the problem. I know what that pain, anxiety, and desolation feels like but...but I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that her father had to do it right then and right there with his 13 year old daughter watching helplessly. I just...the pain of depression is unbearable, but for me when others were hurting because of me it only made me want to fix it, fix me! I know everyone's pain is different, but my God, to leave your child to physically bear witness to it for the rest of her life? I just don't know...