Reasons Why I Teach # 83: Hope My Words Saved A Life Today

Before the break, it was "Tolerance Week" in the schools. Our school put on a magnificent show with different student and staff performances. I recited one of my poems on how words can hurt. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback from students and staff members about how powerful my piece was. (Found out after the fact that during the show there was a fight on the opposite side of the stage - can you believe that?!)

Fast forward to today. You all know that I've been on my natural quest for the past 7 months now. Well, today I saw this young lady with a very cute short afro, but the two times I tried to call her over in the hallway to tell her that I liked it and that it was cute, she was bustling by too fast to class and I was teaching. Then right as I'm heating up my lunch one of the APs comes into my office and asks for my help and that it's an emergency. She tells me there's a young lady threatening to kill herself and that they have the ambulance on the way. But because of my words during "Tolerance Day" she was hoping that I would take a moment to talk to this young lady about how I feel about tolerance and bullying.

On the way up to the office she shows me the girl's suicide note that stated, "...just when I do something different they tease me about looking like a fat boy with earrings...I just want to die and join my mother in heaven".

When I walk into the office my heart breaks into a million little pieces as here is that same young lady that I wanted to compliment earlier today. I'm a firm believer that God works in mysterious ways. How is it that I had never before seen this girl, and then I see her twice and am being called to help her??

I told her about what I thought when I saw her, I shared my own hair story (and coincidently I had my hair in Bantu Knots today) and how students and staff looked at me the first time I did it. I told her how beautiful she was and that people are going to talk about you no matter what you do, but that you have to learn to no worry about what they're saying and continue to do what's right for you. I got her to open up to the fact that as a 15 year old freshman, she had not one friend in school yet, that she has been in and out of hospitals for depression, how badly she misses her biological mother that passed away only a few years ago and that she just wanted to go to heaven to be with her so she could feel loved again.

That was all I was able to do as the EMS came quickly to bring her to the hospital for evaluation and emergency counseling. I just can't help thinking "What If"?? What if I had been able to compliment her this morning? Did I let an opportunity to give a sad little girl some hope today slip through my fingers? Maybe she's just going to think I said those things because "I had to" and that I wasn't being genuine?

Kids can be so cruel. No one knows what any one person is dealing with in their life, and even with a school that constantly addresses it, the students still don't get how painful their words can be. I pray for these kids. I'm praying for this little girl. I'm praying for my own children.

Tolerance. Is it just a catch phrase?

"I didn't realize monkey was a racial slur"...?

As you all know, I've been working really hard with my school to cut down on bullying. Last week we were made aware that a young lady on my caseload was being bullied by several of her classmates by the president of our "Students Against Bullying" club. Turns out this young lady (let's call her W) was recently diagnosed with clinical depression is on a series of medications that make her nervous and the fact that she participates in class on a regular basis she's been deemed "easy prey".

Long story short, we made plans to call down 3 of the worst bullies that have been bothering W, parents were being contacted, and students programs were being changed so that none of the bullies were in her classes. One of them happened to be a girl that consistently harassed W during changing in the locker room and admitted to saying that she "wanted to punch W in the face because she's so #$#@ annoying". Before we could do any of the above we had to get a statement from W in writing and hear her account of all the events that happened in class and in the locker room.

While explaining all of the details, we asked W to please let us know everything because we can't protect her if we don't know all of the details. W proceeds to tell us that there were two instances where she did say something first to her bully that incited an argument. The first one: "You must be preparing for a life of prostitution when you leave here". Ok, W very politely called her bully a "ho". The second statement W starts with, "I know that this is inappropriate but ...I told her once that 'it's no wonder that when your mom takes you to restaurants the waiter asks her if she wants a banana for her monkey". (Did I need to mention W is caucasian and our bully is African-American?)

You could have heard a mouse fart in my office it got so quiet. It was myself, the guidance counselor, a dean and W. We each exchanged uncomfortable glances as W fidgeted uncontrollably. Once we recovered, a discussion on inappropriate things to say, retaliation, and, whew, inappropriate things to say!! I remained quiet afraid of what I might say, inside I was infuriated. However, one-of-the-powers-that-be happened to come in to speak to W to assure her that we were taking care of her problem and then W for whatever reason decided to volunteer this information. Livid would be an understatement for her reaction to this new information. She tried to get W to understand the significance of what she said, how while we understand W was being bullied what she said was just as bad as what the bullies were saying to her:

"I'm not a racist...I didn't realize monkey was a racial slur...I just meant that sometimes certain people..."

"What kind of people? People like me and Mrs. E?"

"No...I mean...you know...when some people get angry and loud like..."

"Why not lions, elephants, pitbulls? Why say monkey?"

"I just meant that...you know...when monkeys get mad they get to throwing their arms around and screaming..."

"I'm deeply disappointed and hurt that here I am trying to help you with your bullying case and I find out that you've been saying things like this. Just hurt and a little disgusted." (insert storming out of the office right here).

Later, I met up with higher power, and we both were like WTF?? Was there something different going on here? Two of the bullies were African-American and one was Hispanic. Try as we might we couldn't help wonder if there was something more to this case. In this day and age, who doesn't know that calling a person of color a monkey is a racial slur? Really? It's one thing to know as an adult that people are still thinking this way, but to hear a 15 year old say it? I just don't know.

Thoughts?

Don't Allow Yourself to Become Anyone's Victim!

The buzz word these days seems to be bullying and specifically cyberbullying. No one is immune people. Recently at my school a teacher fell prey to cyberbullying of an ill and awful nature. I made sure I fought for her and all of our staff members who are easy prey to any student or person with a phone, laptop or pc. I demanded that the responsible parties be brought to light and made examples of. Much of this plight was greeted with shrugged shoulders and a "what good will that do?" How about letting people know that it is NOT okay to slander anyone, or how about sending a message to our students that we do NOT tolerate any kind of bullying whether staff member or student victim?!?!

I was as infuriated then as I am now. But I wanted to cool down enough to get to the point of this post. I want to my children and my students to know that it's never okay to call someone a name, even if you think you're being funny. I want victims of bullying, young and old, to know that you're not alone. If you're hurting because of someone else's ignorance, TELL SOMEONE!! Don't just let the pain eat away at the very light that you possess inside of you. Let your light shine and be proud of who you are. I recently watched Katy Perry's video, FIREWORK, and it brought me to tears. It's beautiful and the message is clear.

I want to dedicate this post to every boy or girl that's ever been teased for being different. Know that there people out there just like you and they love you for being who you are!!

Some of the lyrics:

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Bully Tactics From Modeling Scout

There has been this scouting company for modeling that's been hounding me every single time I take the kids to the mall, and who can blame them my children are gorgeous! They always give me a hassle because hubby cannot come due to his crazy schedule. Well, they finally acquiesced and our appointment was today at 6:30.

When we first walk in, of course Maddy is blown away by the runway, the big screen TVs with the young models, and the makeup room with actual kids getting ready for a photo shoot. I fill out some paperwork for both kids and we wait for about a half hour to get called in.

We are ushered into an office with magazine ads plastered everywhere. The scout explains how they work only off the initial package deal and that once the kids get called for modeling assignments the kids have an account set up for 15% of what they make, the rest goes to the parent's discretion. Ok, so far, kinda.

She shows me all the successful clients they have; their contact sheets followed by any and all work they got them. Still sounds kind of good, kinda. Maddy is practically giddy sitting next to me going through all the albums, "Look mom, Target, Everybody Love Raymond, Babies R Us, Macy's!!!" Exciting? Little bit.

Then we get to the punch line, you ready for this? For 1 look and headshot photos for Linky...$400. For 1 look and headshot for Maddy $750. When I all but fell off the chair, she dropped the price on Maddy's to $600. Grand total of $1000. When I asked her, "how long do I have to give you a decision?" Her response, "If I walk out of the office for a few minutes for you to mull things over and come back in, that's how much time you have."

WTF?!?!?!?!?!

Me: So you want me to make a decision that will cost me $1000 right now?

Scout: Yes, you can make that decision for your children, can't you?

Me: If I were to say yes, what other costs await me?"

Scout: Well, there would be the fees associated with marketing. Which start as low as $400 and as high as $1200, but the good news is, we sign you today and the kids walk over and take their pictures tonight.

Me: You do realize there's a recession going on, and you all are charging a grand for pictures...and take pictures tonight? Lady, my son is practically delirious from sleep and it's almost 8pm on a school night!

Maddy: If it helps mommy, I have $7 that you can use, because I really want to start modeling

Scout: See how happy that makes her

Me: (rolling of the eyes) So, again, you want me to make a decision without checking my finances or even give me a window to really mull it over

Scout: (song and dance about how if every parent said "let me think about" they'd be out of business)

Me: Do you all not read or watch the news? I believe 20/20 just did an expose' on bully tactics that companies use to bilk consumers out of their hard earned money. They said that any company not willing to "let you think about it" is working some sort of scam.

Scout: I assure you that this is not bullying and that we've been doing this for 13 years

Me: Right, you've been pressuring parents to make knee-jerk decisions in front of their impressionable children and getting away with it for 13 years. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to pass

Maddy: AWWWW, man! I'm never going to be a model now!

Me: Ugh, thank the pretty lady for dashing your dreams away!

Seriously?! When I left there, I immediately called my bestfriend and soror up because she recently was scouted for her kiddies. My first question was: "when you got the kids pics done for the scout, how much did you pay?"

Get this: "$150, and I get to keep the proofs to duplicate and use how I want for marketing my kids"

See, now imagine that there were about 15 parents in the waiting room to be seen at 6:30 and say half of them agreed to this ridiculousness...then this company just made minimum $8000 in the matter of an hour! Multiply that by say loosely 8 hours a day, that's $64,000 in one day!!

Moral to the story? PEOPLE DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET BULLIED INTO PURCHASING ANYTHING RIGHT THEN AND THERE!! If a company really wants you as a customer, they will bend over backwards to please you...and that means giving you time to make an educated decision!