Oh The Tangled Web We Weave...

A few months back I came to the realization that Maddy and her friend Nina weren't having any playdates. When I asked Maddy what happened, she said that whenever she called over there, Nina was either not home or her mom would say it's not a good time. Hm? It didn't sound right because these two were constantly over each other's houses or on the phone, and it was so convenient with Nina living right down the block. Well, when I called Nina's mom to find out if maybe they had had a fight, I was sooooooo not prepared for what she told me. Evidently on Maddy's last visit she felt that Nina's Autistic twin brother was getting on her nerves and she unlocked the front door and told him to leave!!!! Then after Nina's mom has a heart attack after catching him out on the front lawn and she confronts both girls, Maddy tells her that her husband did it. Do you know that Nina's mom went out to the garage and totally cursed her husband out? And Maddy allowed it to happen! She finally confessed and was brought home, but Nina's mom never said anything because it was shortly after Linky was born and she didn't want to upset me. She said that because of this the girls will be taking a break from playdates. If you're thinking WTF, don't worry there's more!

Now let's look at the time line: Link was born in December 2008, I noticed in the fall of 2009, Nina's mom said this took place in spring of 09. Fine, nothing I could do about after the fact but scream and scream at Maddy that she is so lucky that nothing happened to Nina's brother. When they first became friends, we had the whole conversation about Autism and how special Nina's brother is. I revisited this conversation with her about that and lying, and I screamed until I almost went hoarse, b/c Lawd Lawd Lawd had anything happened to that child.

Fast forward to last week Thursday...Mom is watching the kids while I'm at parent-teacher conferences, and since it was so nice out she decides to take the kids for a walk. Nina happens to be playing outside so mom stops for a minute for Maddy to say hello. Nina's mom invites my mother in and proceeds to unleash a year and a half worth of Maddy "indiscretions". Mom said she left there mortified and unsure of what to do because (remember the timeline) it was so long ago in kid time. She doesn't tell me until Sunday over dinner, and this time I was more pissed at the mother. I called her up and the first thing she says is, "I guess you spoke to your mother?" I did my best not to completely go off on this woman. As calmly as I could I asked a simple question: How do you expect me to correct bad behavior, if you don't let me know? She started to explain how much she loves Maddy and she knows how close the girls are, and that she {again} didn't want to upset me. She says that Maddy started getting worse while I was on bedrest (understand that she invited Maddy over A LOT during that time to help me out) and she didn't want to cause me undue stress. She goes on to say that she didn't feel right telling me after Link was born because he was such a "little bitty thing" and she knows how hard it is when you have a sickly baby. I took a few breaths and told her that while I understood her reasoning, Maddy has a dad and a Nana, she could have spoken to either one of them, and they could have worked with Maddy on the stealing, lying, conniving, fighting, and devious things she did to that poor boy. I won't even get into details. I asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed, and she couldn't really answer. She just thought that "Maddy is a child and I can handle it, why worry the parents?" Really? How do I look trying to go back to a year and a half ago when Maddy can't remember what she did last week, and reprimand her for past deeds...it doesn't work.

What would you do? How would you feel? I thought I was Maddy's mother, right? I get more and more upset every time I think about how Maddy must have thought she got over. Then to add insult to injury in Maddy's mind, you let me get away with every thing else why can't I come see my friend? I just explained that her actions had consequences, she is banned from Nina's house until they start junior high. My very late punishment is that she will not have any playdates unless they are at our house where she can be monitored. What else could I do now, all late??